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 Communication tip:
To ease is a lot easier
Have you ever said something because you were too much discomposed? You were in an argument and somehow started blaming each other, getting unreasonable, saying something you rued later, and making each other steadily angrier?
In hindsight it seemed to be unproductive and not friendly? And to add insult to injury it was no fun at all, right…?!
 The good news:
You can change that behaviour.
And the even better news:
There are several ways to react more relaxed in exciting situations.
And almost the best news: They are more or less easy!
It would to go beyond the scope of this tip to explain each of these methods right here in each detail so I just give you some suggestions.
In a strained argument:
Relax your thoughts
Just think for a second at something completely different, something warm, comfortable, secure, cosy, a baby turtle, or something like that. It is like a reset for your brain and makes it easier to switch on your logic afterwards.
Take a break
Whenever it is useful and possible: Go out of the room for a moment, drink a glass of water, pet your cat, or do anything else till you are calmed down and till you can think clearer again. (Tell your conversational partner that you are going to calm down and that you will come back to solve the problem before you go.) Think about what you want and which it the easiest and most relaxed way for you and your conversational partner to get what both of you like to get.
Use a slogan:
Prepare a slogan for yourself and use it in a stressful situation. “I stay friendly whatever she says!”, “Staying calm makes me think clearer!”, “To relax my stomach makes me have much more fun!” or whatever fits for you personally. Some parts of song texts work very well for this purpose!
Count to five
Probably we all heard that before: ‘Count to five before you say something.’ Even I like numbers that didn’t relax me too much, but I mention it here for the sake of completeness.
And as a prophylaxis:
All these following methods are great ways to teach your brain to stay calm if you want it to. You train yourself to relax while doing the exercises - and furthermore you can generalize relaxation as your everyday attitude.
Learn Yoga exercises
While Yoga evolved as a spiritual practice, in the West it has grown popular as a form of purely physical exercise. And nevertheless the practice of asanas (postures) will help you to relax - and stay fit and healthier. Common to most forms of yoga is the practice of concentration (dharana) and meditation (dhyana).
Self hypnosis / Autosuggestion
Try a mental visualization and self-affirmations of a relaxed state by self hypnosis. Do that as often and as well as you have to - till you reached your goal.
Progressive muscle relaxation
Progressive muscle relaxation is a nice exercise to alternately tensing and relaxing specific groups of muscles. After tension, a muscle will be more relaxed than prior to the tensing. Concentrate on the feel of the muscles, specifically the contrast between tension and relaxation. In time, you will recognize tension in any specific muscle and be able to reduce that tension.
Autogenic training
Autogenic training is a method for influencing your autonomic nervous system and involves a series of sessions in which you learn to relax your limbs, heart, and breathing. The goal is to induce a pleasant, warm feeling throughout most of your body and induce a feeling of coolness in the forehead.
Meditation
Meditation describes a state of concentrated attention on some object of thought or awareness. It usually involves turning the attention inward to the mind itself.
You will find out that when you calm down yourself and react relaxed your partner will do the same - and you can together find an easier way to settle down the dispute and create a pleasurable solution.
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